Scan Results, Lightness, and an Odd Record

I should probably have a picture for this post. But I don’t. Instead I’ll just share the good news that the final report from today’s PET/CT scan showed complete remission.

It’s taking some time for that to sink in.

There are two things you’re always looking for in treatment: results/remission and durability. Does the remission last 6 months, 6 years, or forever? Time will tell. For now, it means no oncology appointments for two months and no scans for at least six months. I’ll take it!

Since I began writing this blog back in 2011, the idea of permanent remission has never been in the discussion. Follicular lymphoma (my original lymphoma which transformed to diffuse large B-cell lymphoma) was always defined as an indolent but incurable lymphoma. It’s a bit strange and exciting to think the c-word is now on the table now.

I’m always a cautious optimist. While I truly hope to put some distance between me and my lymphoma and watch it fade away in the rear view mirror, if it catches back up, then we see what new treatments have come around and create that distance again, For one thing, we’ve established over the years that I’m responsive to treatment, from Rituxan to CAR-T and everything in between. And as I said in the post in July, virtually every treatment I’ve had over the last 14 years has been a treatment that has been discovered and refined in my lifetime.

A Few Footnotes

I learned a few things at my appointment today. First, my blood work/lab results also looked great. Lab results always get overshadowed by scan results. Second, I learned that the combination of the chemotherapy I did prior to CAR-T and the CAR-T itself means I’m still a bit immuno-compromised so if you see me masking up a bit more, you’ll know why. I was also told by my nurse navigator that I set a record for the quickest return to work after CAR T. I’m not sure how I feel about that - proud? stupid? As much as I joke about retiring, it feels good to be working at full capacity again, even if I have to be a little cautious about COVID, flu, and other germy things.

Finding Lightness Again

Over the years, I’ve gone back to the theme of the weight of cancer several times. It’s like a heavy fog that settles over your day-to-day life. You carry on with work and life, but hovering above you is a voice that pushes down on your joy saying, “This is fun, but remember you have cancer.” As you get further and further out from treatment, the voice quiets, the weight lifts and the lightness returns. That’s how I want to leave this post, with infinite hope and the promise of lightness